Ryan Gielen

First reviews...

2012-02-14T13:15:00.005-05:00

First reviews are in and people are digging the book:
Brittany the Book Slayer

Love Bomb and the Pink Platoon is an adult novel that blends the military with a little don't ask, don't tell action. After pissing off the wrong people, General Newman Ginger is forced to participate in a top-secret government experiment that turns a whole platoon of unwanted soldiers gay. But that's not the only side effect...the men also acquire other special skills that make them into the ultimate fighting machines. Needless to say, the military does not take the news well, and what comes next is explosive.

Check out Brittany's writing, here:
Brittany on Wattpad

Thanks, Brit!

Sample - Love Bomb and the Pink Platoon

2012-01-17T16:08:00.008-05:00

Here's a sample from my debut novel, Love Bomb and the Pink Platoon. Love Bomb is the story of a washed-up career General who faces a spiritual crisis when a military experiment turns his entire platoon gay, just before sending them into a war zone. Intrigued? Read on...

“Thank you for volunteering,” offered the sturdy redhead. The voice seemed a little cooler now, but Newman was grateful for the courtesy, however wrote.

Over the next six hours he stood in line after line, queuing up to run on a treadmill, to be poked and prodded, weighed and measured, and finally to sign a stack of documents relieving the military of any duty to return him to society at any point, ever. As he scanned the documents for signature lines he couldn’t help but notice words like “in perpetuity,” and “waives all rights,” and “not responsible.”

It was the “not responsible” that stuck, playing over and over again in his mind, the record skipping on a crook in the groove. Here he was, signing over his right to make any assertive decision about his immediate future- his meals, his transportation, his lodging, even his minute-to-minute activities would be strictly controlled by the military- yet they were not responsible for him? They would direct and control his every move and monitor his every reaction, he was certainly no longer responsible for himself, but somehow neither were they. He could not be responsible for himself, and the military refused to be, and with each signature he felt one step closer to purgatory, suspended between this world and the next, floating between his past life and… something.

For the first time since he walked out of the jungle thirty years ago General Newman Ginger felt frightened. His mind raced with the possibilities. Torture. Maiming. Chemical poisoning. Legally, with this final signature, the United States military could do anything, he thought. They could fill him with stuffing and bake him like a turkey, he thought. They could force him to eat purple mushrooms and wrestle a bear, he thought. They could get bored and just shoot him, he thought, what if they just shoot me? What if that’s the entire experiment, they just shoot me and watch me die and then write a report about it, he thought?

He signed. And with this final signature he relieved the Defense Department of the United States of any responsibility for the consequences of their experiment. How can you sign a paper that grants someone the right to shoot you at will, with no consequences, he asked himself? It was insane. He felt insane. He saw himself scrawling the words General… Newman… Ginger… and he wanted to rip the pen from his own hand but he signed, controlled by some force beyond the hand, beyond the brain, beyond the panic.

Somewhere in the deepest, atrophied, dying core of Newman Ginger there was a man who craved the freedom and the terror of a complete loss of control.

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DVD's to the Troops - Donate your DVD's

2011-12-15T14:56:00.005-05:00

We just launched DVD's to the Troops, a 501c3 nonprofit dedicated to collecting used DVD's and shipping them to soldiers around the world. Watch our launch video and then click here to donate!

Click here to donate DVDs!

Probably the Best Short Film You'll Ever See

2010-11-03T14:16:00.003-04:00

Probably the best short film you'll ever see, Sundance superstar Ari Gold's CULTURE:

Check out his feature starring ADRIAN GRENIER, JANE LYNCH and MICHAEL McKEAN: Adventures of Power!

The Graduates still rocking HULU

2010-06-03T08:52:00.005-04:00

We're so proud to announce we're back on the #1 Most Popular Comedies page on Hulu! That puts us in great company with films like Jerry Maguire, Dr Strangelove, the original Pink Panther, and The Naked Gun... You can watch for FREE right here:

Music Video: Sonia Montez (directed by my bro, Matt Gielen!)

2009-11-18T18:51:00.003-05:00

Singer-songwriter Sonia Montez's first music video from her new EP Of Tears and Honey. Performed by Sonia Montez and Kiernan McMullan.

Directed by Matthew Gielen. Starring Nick Vergara, Cassandra Starr, Katy Wright-Mead, Ross Chestnut, Lacey Jo Anderson and of course Sonia Montez and Kiernan McMullan.

Support this artist! Buy her music from iTunes:
http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/little-jealousy/id319297233?i=319297247&uo=6

Hulu hearts The Graduates...

2009-11-10T13:04:00.002-05:00

@hulu thanks for the continued love...3rd or 4th time The Graduates featured on Movies front page...we heart Hulu... http://tiny.cc/BckzW

The Little Film That Could!

2009-09-21T13:23:00.001-04:00

The Graduates is still in the Top 10 of all comedies on Hulu! Not bad for a tiny little indie made for 95K.

Watch it right here, for free:

OR:
Buy it right here on iTunes...

THE GRADUATES SKYROCKETS TO #4 ON AMAZON.COM

2009-07-17T10:00:00.008-04:00

Last week, we asked our fans to rent or buy The Graduates from AmazonVOD. In 24 hours we skyrocketed from the #22 Comedy to #4! We also skyrocketed to the #11 movie of all movies on Amazon.

THANKS TO YOU for three days straight we were ahead of Slumdog Millionaire (Best Picture 2008), Marley & Me, and even Twilight. This is unheard of. We were the only true independent film in the Top 50, and the only film made for under $10 million.

So how did The Graduates, made for a paltry $95,000 skyrocket to the top of Amazon.com?

BECAUSE OF YOU: OUR FRIENDS, FAMILIES AND FANS

If you haven't seen The Graduates yet, please consider downloading it from iTunes today. We want to make the same push on iTunes, and we know WITH YOUR SUPPORT we can crack the Top 10.

Here is the link:

THANK YOU!!!

Awesome Video Review of The Graduates: watch here!

2009-02-28T13:11:00.006-05:00

Alec Kerr is a reporter, but you can record your own video review of the film. Upload your own video review of The Graduates and we'll send you a free DVD when the film comes out. We'll also post it here and on our website and fan pages!

Alec Kerr's review:

LA Sneak Preview Pics

2009-02-19T12:58:00.004-05:00

Awesome sneak preview in Los Angeles this week, standing room only, pictures below:

THANKS to everyone who came out! Don't forget to download the free soundtrack...

Rob B:

Nick & Cassandra:

Writers BootCamp was nice enough to host the sneak preview:

The whole gang:

The after party:

More pics:

The Graduates Premiere

2008-04-28T00:27:00.004-04:00

Wow. Last night The Graduates premiered to 170 of our closest friends- the cast, the crew, their families and friends, my family and friends...
Everyone responded incredibly well, and the night was a blast. We went from Cinema Village East to the No Malice Palace for the after party. It was great to be able to hang with the cast and crew without The Film looming... I felt like I could finally relax a little and just enjoy being around everyone.
The after-after party was back here at our apartment, where we cooked out on the grill and celebrated until we were all whipped.
Before the screening I gave a brief little hello, where I mentioned how I felt like making a film was a lot like making a baby. The first several hours are fun (yes, ladies, it's like that), but the next nine months are torturous, and you end up tired and cranky and, in my case, eating for two. In truth though, I love every minute I spent on this film, and it's incredibly gratifying to see other people respond to it so well.

Really this is only like mile 13 of the marathon because we're going to be traveling with the film, going to festivals, trying to generate buzz. And like a marathon I will be sweating all the way to the finish line. But unlike a marathon my nipples are not bleeding from the experience. Yet.

You can help us along this journey to the big screen- forward the link to the trailer to everyone you know. www.graduatesmovie.com

I'll have more trailers and clips and other surprises along the way, forward those, too!

And thanks for your support. Hope you get to see the film soon, and hope you love watching it as much as I enjoyed making it.

Ryan

"Deleted Scenes" Featured On Gawker

2008-04-14T01:48:00.001-04:00

Hey- in case you missed Gawker on Friday, my short film Deleted Scenes was featured under "Things We Actually Like"...

Check it out here: Gawker: Things We Actually Like... Nick Douglas, poster of the article, had this to say:

"Know how Walker Percy wanted to hate the manuscript some lady handed him, but he loved it and thus A Confederacy of Dunces got published? That's how I feel about this short film, in which a director and actor argue while recording commentary on their latest film. This is the sort of script I would have killed for when I was doing college plays."

Much appreciated, Nick Douglas...

Also, let me take this opportunity to whore out my new feature: be sure to check out (and forward, forward, forward!) the opening sequence of The Graduates, coming soon!

www.graduatesmovie.com

The Graduates (opening sequence) from Ryan Gielen on Vimeo.

U2 3D OMFG, or Why I Love Bono and The Edge

2008-03-21T22:48:00.001-04:00

I don't know what I can add to everything being written about this groundbreaking experience, but I have to express something. Maybe that's the truest expression of what happened in that theater- I now feel the stomach-churning adrenaline-fueled need to write, run, draw, make out with someone, walk around Central Park, hug a homeless person...

I don't like gimmicks. I don't like cheap tricks, or movies that aim low. I was worried this would be a concert film with half-assed 3D tacked on to make the film seem more relevant than it is... Oh, so naive.

The 3D effect carries you into, above, around and inside this concert seemlessly, to the point where you are the camera. You can touch Bono, make eye contact with the stunning Argentinian girl on her boyfriend's shoulders ten feet away, you can rock back and forth with the 100,000 joyous fans, and you can do it in what feels like the exact moment it's actually happening.

But the visuals are no gimmick. If this was Linkin Park or worse, Madonna, the 3D would serve to distract you from the content (or lack thereof). It would be the bright, shiny object they flash at you to take your eyes off the vast hollowness of the product. In U2 3D, however, there is a completely different dynamic at play.

U2's light/stage show is designed to integrate with the content of their music, which, like them or not, you have to admit is rich. Pop/Rock about religious and ethnic unity never before moved a crowd the way Bono does. But how do you craft a visually stunning story to play 80 feet tall behind songs like, "Sunday, Bloody Sunday," "New Years Day" and "Where the Streets Have No Name"? I don't want to give anything away, but the basic focus is on religious and international unity, people seeking it, imagery of loneliness, togetherness and peace...

So where does the 3D come in? The language of U2 is that of grand concepts. Like their sound and their light/stage show, the single clearest projection in lyrics and concept is Grandness. Some of the grandest concepts are the simplest- peace, unity, forgiveness- and the hardest to obtain.

When the sound, the lyrics, the light/stage show all come together, the only thing that could possibly add to the grandness of the experience is if they all breaks through the 4th wall together, smashing through and defeating the accepted truth that performers are separated from us (in 3D, they're not).

In other words, the U2 3D experience says technology can break through accepted truths and help lift us toward grander truths, like every human's right to dignity and every human's ability to create the peace most strive for. By pulling us into the concert, U2 3D also says that we can break through as well.

It sure sounds like I'm reading a lot into a tech-heavy concert film. So, if you don't believe me, go see for yourself. Please.

Help Me Create A Tag Line for THE GRADUATES!

2008-01-21T13:58:00.002-05:00

Hey guys- as editing plods along, I need to come up with a tag line for the film. Tom and Josie came up with the great title, The Graduates, which barely beat out their other suggestions: Blueballs: The Movie... Smokin Hot OC Nights... and my personal fav, Halfway In.

So now I have to create a tag line to go on posters and promotional materials. I would love your help in doing so. Here are some examples from great movies:

American Graffiti:
"Where were you in '62?"

Can't Hardly Wait:
"An event 18 years in the making"

Mean Streets:
"You don't make up for your sins in church, you do it in the streets."

Fast Times at Ridgemont High:
"Fast girls, fast cars... fast carrots?"

Ferris Bueller:
"One man's struggle to take it easy."

So, I'm going to put up a great prize for the person who comes up with the best tag line. I don't know what the prize is yet, because I just pulled that prize/contest idea of my ass, but it will be great. I love you guys.

Ideas?

Sincerely,
Ryan

Comments didn't transfer from MySpace, so here they are:

Positivity Photography
A time when beer pong and warm caramel are like chocolate and peanut butter.

baaaaaaHA

Posted by Positivity Photography on Tuesday, January 22, 2008 - 9:38 AM
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Positivity Photography
How about simply...

"There's a dude on a wet banana in it!"

Posted by Positivity Photography on Thursday, January 24, 2008 - 10:55 AM
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Rob
How about,
"Sex, Drugs and Drinking Games, It's time to take the training wheels off"

Or,
"Even your mom gets laid in this one"

Or,
"Tom Cryan is in this movie"

Posted by Rob on Wednesday, January 23, 2008 - 9:27 AM
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Ryan Gielen

"EVEN YOUR MOM GETS LAID IN THIS ONE..." is going on imdb immediately

Posted by Ryan Gielen on Wednesday, January 23, 2008 - 4:41 PM
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Ryan Gielen
Holly had a good one:

"Maybe life isn't as simple as bros before hoes..."

Posted by Ryan Gielen on Wednesday, January 23, 2008 - 4:40 PM
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Rob
Ooo, that's a good one

Posted by Rob on Thursday, January 24, 2008 - 10:26 AM
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laurel
i like that one too!

Posted by laurel on Friday, January 25, 2008 - 1:37 PM
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Holly
Dude, if both Ben AND Megs like it, I'd say I'm a motha-fucking shoo-in. Gimme my PRIIIIIIZE. (A character with a name will do.)

Posted by Holly on Wednesday, January 30, 2008 - 10:20 AM
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Holly
Actually, I just checked IMDB. You're a deutsch.

Posted by Holly on Wednesday, January 30, 2008 - 10:23 AM
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Tony King
The Graduates - Rockin' out with their cocks out.

or... He who laughs last thinks slowest!

or... Careful. We don't want to learn from this. (This one is from the comic Calvin, I think.)

or... Without ignorance, knowledge is useless.

or... Nothing is so simple that it can't get screwed up.

Graduates Locations Sneak Peek

2007-08-23T13:49:00.000-04:00

We realize we have tens of fans waiting with bated breath for any photos from set that might leak to the bloodthirsty press... Well, wait no longer! I've uploaded some pics from one of our favorite locations, the Assateague Market.

We could not be more excited about shooting at the market. Like everyone else we've met down here, they're extremely friendly, and I hope we bring them some good business after you all see the film and realize your next vacation simply has to be Assateague Island.

Our producer Caitlin Marshall found this little beauty. For those not familiar with the area, Assateague is a small island just south of Ocean City, and it's famous for its wild horses, hence the pony on the Market's handpainted sign. Hundreds of wild horses roam the island, living off of wild grass and injured/young sea gulls.

A little note about locations. I think everybody kind of looks for the personality of a location... Is it new and cookie-cutter, or old and weather-worn? Is it pristine and fragile, or cramped and moldy? Is it free, or not?

There's value in all of the above. The important question to ask is "what information will this image give to our audience?" Take this image:

To me, as an audience member, this says: rural, near water, nostalgia... "Nostalgia" is an important vibe at this point in the script- the characters are all psyched to be going to Beach Week, making big plans, and everything is fun and games. You could say it's their innocent period.

Everything about this market harkens back to the 1950's, and what could be more innocent than the 1950's? Aside from the Cold War, McCarthyism, The Bomb, Segregation and Elvis it was a pretty swell time. I don't remember MD in the 1950's very well, but the Assateague Market makes me feel like I do. Great location.

Here's the inside, where five of our main characters have one of their many conversation about, ahem, love...

You'll notice that there's a sale on both Arbor Mist and Tasty Cakes, or as we call it in Maryland, breakfast.

Rehearsals in NYC this Monday and Tuesday, locking up some more locations next week... Look for more updates coming soon...

San Fran Indie Film Fest > Ocean City, Maryland

2007-08-16T13:51:00.003-04:00

Just got back from the SF Shorts Fest (and put some new pics up)... DELETED SCENES was met with laughter, and unlike middle school this was invited laughter. Josh, Brian, Holly, Jerry and Logan looked great on the big screen.

Getting laughs with stuff you wrote... it's like a drug. I went back to my room after the screening and wrote for a while. I scribbled notes about how to make The Graduates funnier. One of the notes said "make it funnier." Off to a good start.

Seriously, it was a great time. And the filmmaker Q&A following the screening was also a great time. Someone asked what I do for a living. I explained I make those really awful training videos with titles like "Don't Touch Your Coworker," and "Wear Your Seatbelt." It pays the bills. Some of them. The small bills, like cable and internet.

Someone else asked why I insisted on doing the Q&A sans pants. It all goes back to my previous post about creating buzz. Created a lot of buzz standing up there in my gerdle. I spelled that franetically, so just let it go. I don't really care how to spell gerdle.

I'm heading to Ocean City, MD now. Going to live there for two months and shoot my first feature. I'll be video blogging for most of the shoot as well as posting Indie Filmmaking Tips and Tricks- short video blogs about how we make/fake the filmmaking process on a budget of negative dollars. Here's a hint: we beg like the dirty beggars we are! People can be moved by a weeping, groveling filmmaker, they really can. At least, I hope they can because we have a biiig cast and crew following us down to OCMD to shoot The Graduates in like 3WKS LOL OMG!!!

Stay tuned, come back soon, and check out the updated content as the shoot progresses. We'll be putting cast photos up as well as the video blogs. I'm rambling. Shut up, Ryan! Thanks for checking in.

Ryan

First Table Read of THE GRADUATES!

2007-08-07T13:54:00.002-04:00

Wow. Last night we had our first table read for THE GRADUATES, our coming of age comedy. Everyone was hysterical. Every actor in our production is a gem, and everyone of them was brilliant at the read-through.

First things first: everyone was on time, in good spirits, ready to read. Nothing lifts me more than getting the vibe that the actors are feeling the project. They are everything. If they're not into it, it's going to show.

I said a few words about the shooting schedule and the business end of things, and then talked about what I consider to be one of the most important issues facing us: money. Some would argue that this is THE most important issue facing us. They're right. Good thing they're producing and not me.

I tend to write big, cinematic moments that I can absolutely not afford to shoot. So in true indie style, we get creative and figure out a way to make it happen. But generally speaking, in order to make it happen, we need every dollar up on screen (read: no dollars for, say, food). So actors and crew need to know from day one that a lot of the perks we've seen or heard of others having on set are simply not feasible- things like running water, shelter... Just kidding, cast of The Graduates

Tangent: I remember seeing the contract that Steven Soderbergh gave his actors on Full Frontal (2002). He was already a mega-producer, had just made about a trillion dollars on Ocean's Eleven, probably could've gotten a Casablanca remake greenlighted if he wanted, but he did this tiny little indie film. The contract had ten points, things like:

"drive yourself to and from set"
"do your own makeup and wardrobe"
"no trailers"

The film starred Julia Roberts, Brad Pitt, Catherine Keener, David Duchovny, and Blair Underwood, amongst others.

So anyways, everyone was receptive to the down and dirty shooting style. Do they know what they're in for? Probably not. It's going to be an amazing experience. If it were up to me we would head down there for a month with no lights, just a camera, sound and actors, live like hippies in a commune and make our little film while living off the land and our own ingenuity. Maybe grow our own food. Except for Ledo's Pizza, which we would pony up for because it is delicious and can not be grown in a garden.

But other people's money is involved, so we're not exactly shooting this like Easy Rider. The film is funny enough to be popular and smart enough to be provoking. So it's worth the investment to make this a distributable picture. And we will.

After the reading I held a little session with Josh, Matt and a handful of close friends involved in the production. We spent ten minutes debating who had the funniest lines in the read through. It was a twelve-way tie. Then we made fun of me for sweating constantly. It's New York in the summer. Screw you guys, it's humid. Then we got to the script.

We all agreed the main character's arc could use some jiggering, but the most interesting question for me was Holly's: "what is this film really about?" That was a good debate- is it youth and sex? The first time you realize who you are or who you are becoming? Is it about differentiating between friends and people-you-grew-up-with? Or is it just about taking the next step in life, whether you're 18 or 80?

One of the reasons this is such an interesting question is because in a screenplay, you MUST know the answer to this question before your script is a movie. Movies, whatever their scope, are about one thing. If you don't know what that one thing is, you don't really have a movie (right?). You might have a novel though.

Anyways, moving onto the next draft, a ton of decisions will be informed by the answer to that question. Now... I'm off to try and find the answer.

Pre Production Begins on THE GRADUATES

2007-07-24T13:56:00.001-04:00

It just occurred to me: I haven't been to the emergency room in a while. That's a nice feeling...

Ten days before I directed my first short last August (still unreleased) I had a bike accident in Central Park and tore my ACL, MCL, and some cartiledge. The meds were nice, but it sucked limping around set for six days.

About six months later, a week after directing DELETED SCENES, while assistant directing my friend Tom's film, my back went out thanks to a lumbar fracture from an old football injury. I spent three days in bed. Had to pee in a cup next to the bed because I couldn't walk. That was painful.

Six months later we're now in preproduction for THE GRADUATES, my first feature. I'm crossing my fingers.

Funny sidenote: back in college I played football. Well, I was on the team. "Played" is a little misleading. Anyway, I was kicking fieldgoals with some friends before a Friday practice. Nevermind I was a third-string quarterback. We were seeing who could kick the longest field goal. The competition was heating up (I'm a little competitive by nature...) and we moved the ball back to about a 40 yard field goal. I take a couple extra steps back, get a good running start, kick as hard as I can, and... kick so f-ing hard I knee myself in the nose. Blood shoots everywhere. I start swinging, thinking someone punched me. I stop when I realize no one is within twenty yards of me. My friends, in shock, slowly start laughing as they realize I just broke my own nose... with my knee.

Seriously, I'm crossing my fingers.