Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Best Booze for INDIE Bestsellers!

By popular demand! Best Books for INDIE Bestsellers!














For those who can't view on mobile devices, here is the text version!



Best Booze for Best Sellers, by Someone Who Has Only Read a Few of Them!

Saving Rachel (Donovan Creed)
by John Locke
Ex-Cia assassin Donovan Creed races to save… wait for it... Rachel.
Martini
2.5 oz Gin
0.25 oz Dry Vermouth
1 Green Olive
(Locke was the first self-published author to sell a million ebooks! With that kind of bread you can afford to indulge in a fine traditional martini with Donovan Creed)

How I Became a Famous Novelist
by Steve Hely
A novel about a novelist writing novels.
Whiskey, rocks
(Tortured writers drink Whiskey… mixed with a dash of tears and a couple ounces of regret. Just kidding! Hely's book is a lot less bleak!)

Magpie
by Curt Finch
A cheeky British adventure involving well-tailored suits chasing international terrorists.
Pink Panther
2 shots Vodka
6 oz Pink Lemonade Mix
Mix and pour over chipped ice
(Written with cinematic influences, and reviews include: "a truly memorable debut!" Funny, globetrotting journalists with British accents? I'm in.)

Love Bomb and the Pink Platoon
by Ryan Gielen
A military experiment goes horribly wrong and turns an entire platoon gay.
Veuve Clicquot Champagne
Chill. Drink. Chill.
(Takes place at the start of the new millennium. What better way to ring in the new century than with some fabulous soldiers and bubbly! Reviews: "Great characters, clever, just too edgy." In other words, awesome.)

The Final Appearance of America's Favorite Girl Next Door
by Stephen Stark
Adventurous love story following a female standup comedian? Sold.
The Bradford
2 oz Gin
2 oz St. Germain
2 squeezes fresh lime
Muddled cucumber
1 splash soda
(Broke comedians can barely afford gin, but The Bradford is so good it can make the worst gin pop. Originall created at Good restaurant in NYC's West Village, by bartender… wait for it… Rob Bradford.)

The Final Appearance of America's Favorite Girl Next Door
by Adam Mansbach and Ricardo Cort├ęs
Exhausted parents curse at kids, and its cathartic
Blue Moon Beer
Chill, drink straight from the bottle
(Sweet and thick, citrus, with 5.4% alcohol by volume, guaranteed to be the sweetest knockout punch ever. Maybe slip a little into baby's bottle (my German grandmother's recipe from the old country).)

The Final Appearance of America's Favorite Girl Next Door
by Chris Culler
Devil Wears Prada meets Swimming With Sharks. Sex and the City (of Angels).
Anything in a flask
Fill flask, keep in bag, or under front seat
(If you really, really miss Carrie and… I have no idea what the rest of their names were… Have a Martini or whatever they drank. But, I guarantee you real assistants party way harder than that!)

Fifty Shades of Grey
by EL James
College girl falls for a hot per, gets tied up and enjoys it. This book is the scourge of the 'burbs!
Chateau Margaux 1995
$402
1000 year old vintage
Hints of Blackberry
(This indie bestseller is spreading through the 'burbs like a case of sexual shingles. Gross! Supposedly the book is pretty hot, so why Chateau Margaux? If you're gonna indulge, freakin' indulge!)