Thursday, March 22, 2012

What Your Kindle Cover Says About You (Infographic)


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Just in case you can't pull up the image on your mobile device, here's the text version!


The Timbuk2 Messenger Bag says, “Hey world, I’m a busy metropolitan guy, but I’m not too busy to read. But I’m busy. Not too busy to stay organized- look, I got a snack, some water, and a bike lock, I’m prepared for ANYTHING!”

”But, still. BUSY. You’re gonna need to walk a little faster to keep up- I’m not your avergae reader with some flat, rinky-dink kindle cover, okay? Because the avergae kindle cover would not provide nearly enough room for my water, bike lock and snack (apple).”

“Can I hang the keys to my bike lock and safe (don’t ask) from the average Kindle cover? NO. I’ve tried. It’s a disaster. Where would my sunglasses go on a traditional Kindle Cover? Draped over the front like it’s a shirt collar? Gross. What am I, a farmer? No. I already told you, I’m a BUSY metro- politan man. And I need a Kindle bag that can keep up.”

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The his and hers Belkin Pleated Kindle Sleeve are adorable... individually. How you integrate these into your relationship is up to you, but “his and hers” anything is a dangerous game, friend.

I offer a simple warning: (pictures of idiots)

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The Eco-nique Hemp Case says, “I’m not afriad to get my hands dirty, to till the soil, commune with nature. It also says I’m not afraid of hemp, the most resilient and dynamic plant in the world, which is actually not marijuana, man, it’s basically completely different, okay? Did you know until 1954 farmers had to grow hemp? BY LAW. For food, fuel, textiles... I’m just saying, bro, it’s a miracle plant, and, and, and...

”I digress. As the great Voltaire once wrote, “cultivate your garden.” Commune with the earth, even while reading digital e-books. Sure, Voltaire probably wasn’t envisioning a Kindle reader cover, but can you prove that? Can you prove it, man? It’s from the EARTH. And we just ignore it? Or import if from the Chinese? Bro, what are we thinking? We could grow it here, TOMORROW, and, and, and...”

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The Periscope Flip Cover is the Lincoln Town Car of Kindle covers. Meaning, old people drive it. Or, in this case, cover their kindle with it.

That’s not a knock- it’s sturdy, smooth, well lit, secure... You know how people say, “This isn’t your grandfather’s so-and-so”? Well, this is your grandfather’s so-and-so, and he’s having a pleasant experience.

By the way, if a product description includes the phrase “stylish and functional,” the product you’re looking at is solely functional.

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The CathyKDesigns handmade Kindle covers say, “I’m not afraid to carry around a swatch of wallpaper from the early 70’s, and read from it. In fact, it matches this macrame purse I picked up at the thrift store (the one I always wear with the leggings from H&M, yeah, with the horizontal stripes).

Yes, I went to art school, why? What’s that supposed to mean? Vintage is in, okay? Vintage will ALWAYS be in, okay? That’s why they call it “vintage” and not “old.”

“Hey, look, just because you’re a 9 to 5 coporate drone doesn’t mean I have to be. Yes, I’m a barista for a very famous coffee company from Seattle, but it’s not like I own the company. Whatever. Starbuckcs was a mom-and-pop store once, too, okay?

Where are you going? Take this flyer first, we’re really good. We’re like The Pixies meets Phillip Glass. We go on at 1:00 am, okay? You’ll come?”

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The leather and Moleskine Kindle covers scream with quiet dignity, silently commanding onlookers to both admire the classic, understated design while politely suggesting they look away quickly, as you are not one who wishes to be ogled, like some attention whore with a floral-print Etsy cover.

You’re welcome to admire from a distance, of course. Out of respect for the craftsmanship and the fine leather or moleskine. What’s that? It makes me look like a writer? Thank you! I mean, that’s not why I bought it. I am a writer, but it’s not like I have to announce it to the whole world.

Pardon me, for just a second, will you? I’m going to make a note in the moleskine cover- yes, it comes with a moleskine notepad inside. No, I don’t think that’s cliché at all! It’s helpful, for moments like... well, perhaps it’s a tad cliché (he smiles).

What’s the note about? Nothing. Just a little trifle. If you must know, I’ve just had an idea for a short story about a reclusive writer who happens to take his moleskine-covered e-reader on the train one day where a beautiful woman is intrigued by his understated but classic taste in e-reader covers, and the two strike up a conversation and quickly fall madly in love, and...

Author’s note: at this point she either runs away or blushes, but I don’t think it matters which, because you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone and you went for it, all because of your classic but understated e-reader cover!

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The Verso Kindle Antique says “Game of Thrones. I’m reading Game of Thrones.”

This is the Kindle cover you buy when you have a dragon fetish, or a George R.R. Martin poster in your room.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that- I just started A Dance With Dragons, though I do not have a George R.R. Martin poster in my room. It’s in my study, where he silently judges me.






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